Stop Dating Abuse Before It Starts
One in five teen girls faces problems on dates, but you can help keep them safe
 Seeing your daughter
off on a date can give
you the jitters. Here’s
a topic that’s not likely
to calm your nerves:
teen dating violence.
It’s worrisome — but
it’s not inevitable.
You and your girls
can avoid potentially
perilous situations
and reduce the risk for problems.
Dating violence affects one in five teen
girls, Boston researchers wrote in The Journal
of the American Medical Association. Abuse
can be verbal, sexual, emotional, or physical.
It occurs in all regions, ethnic groups,
and income levels. It can take place during
casual dating or in long-term relationships.
So don’t think, “It can’t happen to my
child,” warns Adriana Ramelli, executive
director of the Sex Abuse Treatment Center.
Teens rarely seek help. So parents should
watch for warning signs.
“Any rapid behavior change of any
kind is a sign of trouble,” says Ramelli.
“Make sure that you request to meet your
child’s date prior to the first time out.”
Other signs include:
- Unexplained bruises
- Changes in mood or personality
- Sudden withdrawal from friends or activities
- Use of alcohol or drugs
- Neglected schoolwork
- Sudden hostility or secretiveness
- Refusal to let you meet a date
- Difficulty making decisions
- Apologizing for actions of date/boyfriend
- Belittling self
Teen girls, especially those with self-esteem
issues, may not always recognize
abuse. Teach them. Teach boys, too, since
researchers say some seem to feel it’s OK
to control girlfriends through violence.
Adriana Ramelli
 | What if you think a girl may be in an
abusive relationship? Advise her to:
- Always tell someone about her plans.
- Consider double-dating when possible.
- Have a plan for what she will do if date becomes abusive.
- Avoid drinking and taking drugs.
- Know and carry emergency contact information.
- Trust her instincts.
- Reach out to friends and spend time with people who care about her.
Avoiding an abusive relationship is often
a lot easier than getting out of one. That
makes communication the key. “Parents
actually need to open up discussion about
the subject long before the concern is
raised,” Ramelli says.
| To Learn More |
| For more help in coping with dating
abuse, visit satchawaii.com. |
| Guidelines for Your Son |
What are key things you can teach your
son to prevent him from abusing dates?
Teach him to:
- Show respect.
- Be the type of person he would want his little sister to date.
- Understand that his date may not want to do the same things he wants to do.
- Never pressure, force, or manipulate his date into doing things she does not want to do.
- STOP! If his date seems uncomfortable with an activity, he should stop the activity, and then ask her what she’s feeling.
- Be sure to talk to his date before they engage in intimate or sexual acts.
- Discuss personal limits, feelings, potential consequences, expectations, and questions or concerns.
- Respect his date’s limits even if they do not match his own.
- Do not take rejection of sexual acts as a sign that she’s rejecting him.
- Differences of opinions are OK. If his date doesn’t agree with him, he shouldn’t put her down; he should just agree to disagree.
- If something makes him angry, talk about it in a calm, respectful manner.
- Don’t blame or yell at his date.
- Allow his date to be who she is — this includes the way she dresses, who her friends are, and how she likes to spend her time.
- Do not try to control her.
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