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Help Your Children Chill Out Kids have a high-stress job these days. Teach them ways to cope. Overscheduling. Rushed families. High parental expectations. Teasing from peers. Getting into the “best” college. Whew! Today’s kids face enormous stress. Kids must cope with all the issues, such as violence or global warming, that stress out adults. But they must also handle stresses added by their parents and the media, says Kenneth Ginsburg, M.D., FAAP, author of A Parent’s Guide to Building Resilience in Children and Teens: Giving Your Child Roots and Wings. “Parents want to raise perfect children who get into the perfect college and have perfect lives, and the media tell kids what they should look like and how they should act,” he says. “As a result, many kids are riddled with anxiety and perfectionism. They’re terrified of getting a B+. This stress is tough on kids who are trying to figure out who they are and, just as importantly, who they aren’t.” While you may help cause your children’s stress, you also can help ease it, says Kapi‘olani child psychologist Wendi Hirsch, Ph.D. She offers parents these tips: Model good behavior. Show your children how you care for yourself by eating right, exercising, sleeping well, and dealing with your own emotions. Your actions speak louder than words. “Children begin to observe and model behavior from a very young age,” says Hirsch. Remember that how you handle stress becomes a blueprint for how your children will cope. Make sure younger children have time to play. It lets them think, dream, and relax. Overscheduling kids sets them up for unrealistic expectations, sleep difficulties, and anxiety. Make sure your children aren’t watching too much television or playing video games all afternoon. These programs are often quite violent and have been shown to increase some feelings of anxiety and acting-out behaviors. Help kids build coping skills at an early age. Teach children to avoid some problems, to let others go, and to break tasks into small parts they can do more easily. Remind them that there is value in the “process” of how they do something, not just the “product.” Redefine success. Let children know you want them to do their best and be kind, generous, creative, productive, and innovative adults. It’s more important for kids to get into a college or job where they can thrive and feel good about themselves than a top-ranked university. Wendi Hirsch, Ph.D. Help your children develop a repertoire of coping strategies so they won’t have to resort to the dangerous quick fixes — drugs, alcohol, self-mutilation, eating disorders, and violence. Kids with good coping skills are more likely to become strong, independent adults who live balanced, fulfilling lives. Kapi‘olani Puts Kids in the Driver’s Seat Three mini-Hummers are now permanent fixtures at Kapi‘olani Medical Center for Women & Children, providing young patients with an exciting experience to tell their friends about. Donated by Pfleuger Auto Group, these battery-operated miniature vehicles rumble through the halls of Kapi‘olani’s pediatric and surgical floors bringing laughter, smiles, and much-needed relief when children are ill or going through treatment. Kids are so proud and eager to tell friends and family, “I drove a Hummer today.” This is not the usual hospital story, thanks to the generosity of Alan Pfleuger and his family. Pfleuger says, “It’s just one of those little things that a lot of people in Hawaii do to help our neighbors and to put smiles on their faces.”