Harsh Words Can Leave Scars
Find ways to stop yelling at children or belittling them
 To help your children
become happy, well-adjusted
adults, treat
them the way you'd
like to be treated yourself.
Talk nicely. Don't
be mean.
Sounds simple, but
those are some of the
most important things
you can do, advises
Anthony Guerrero,
M.D., Kapi'olani pediatric psychiatrist.
It means no shrieking at your 2-year-old
when he decorates your bathroom
wall with purple magic marker. ("Pretty,
Mommy?")
It means no name-calling or sweeping
generalizations if your 5-year-old drops
a box of detergent so it looks like a snowstorm
in your laundry room. ("You're a bad
boy and I'm tired of you always messing
things up!")
And it means no shaming, blaming or
threatening, even if your child -- or you
-- are having a really bad day.
A Florida State University (FSU) study
of 5,614 people found that adults who were
verbally abused as children had nearly
twice as many symptoms of depression
and anxiety as those who did not endure
verbal abuse. They were also twice as
likely to have had mood or anxiety
disorders.
"The old saying about 'sticks and stones'
was wrong. Names will forever hurt you,"
says Dr. Guerrero. "Over time, children
believe the negative things they hear, and
they begin to internalize negative beliefs
about themselves."
"Over time, children believe the
negative things they hear, and
they begin to internalize negative
beliefs about themselves."
Parents should avoid yelling, belittling
or otherwise acting in ways that could
erode a child's self-image. Dr. Guerrero
suggests a few ideas:
Anthony Guerrero, M.D.
 | Catch your child doing something right. Focus on positive behaviors, and convey your support and approval for them.- In case of misbehavior or mistakes, make it clear the behavior is bad, but don't deride or put down your child. The goal of disciplining a child is really to benefit your son or daughter, not to make them the brunt of your anger and frustration.
- Read books and talk to other parents to learn more effective parenting skills.
- Find support for yourself so you can better deal with the stresses of parenthood.
"Being a good parent is probably
one of the most difficult jobs in the world
-- and one of the most important,"
Dr. Guerrero says. "A good childhood
can last a lifetime."
| Parenting Resources in Our Community |
Parent Line
Is your child biting or throwing tantrums? Lying?
Struggling with parental separation or divorce?
The Parent Line is a free, confidential phone line
offering support and information for parents and
other caregivers. Experienced staff lends problem-solving
support for parenting challenges, and child
and adolescent behavior and development issues.
For parents of children age 0-20. This service is
sponsored by the state Department of Health.
M-F, 8 a.m. – 6 p.m.
Sat, 9 a.m. – 1 p.m.
Oahu: 526-1222
Toll-free: 1-800-816-1222
www.theparentline.org
The Baby Hui
Join other parents with young children to share
information and gain support to help cope with
the stresses of raising youngsters age 0-3. Discussions
include sleeping, crying, development,
nutrition, and more. Develop successful parenting
skills at this neighborhood-based support group.
Ten weekly sessions. Participant dues based on
sliding scale. Partially funded by the state.
Oahu: 735-2484
Kauai: 823-9894
Maui & Hawaii: Toll-free: 1-888-895-2484
www.thebabyhui.org
Confident Parenting
Parenting class aimed at raising responsible,
cooperative, caring children. Eight-week course
for parents of children 0-6 years, 7-12 years,
13-18 years. Offered in coordination with the
Department of Education.
Call 235-0488 for further information.
Active Parenting Classes
Courses designed to develop parenting skills
at each stage of a child's life:
- 1,2,3,4 Parents! – age 1-4, 3-week session, $55/person
- Active Parenting – age 5-10, 4-week session, $75/person, $105/couple
- Active Parenting of Teens – age 10 and up, 4-week session, $75/person, $105/couple
- Cooperative Parenting & Divorce – 6-week session, $120/person, $150/couple
Call 234-7316 for further information about
curriculum and instructors.
Kapi'olani provides this list of community resources
only as a convenience and service to parents. Kapi'olani
neither endorses nor makes any representations
regarding the service or quality of service offered
by the listed entities.
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