Teen Talk:
Recognizing Your Youngster’s SOS Signals
If your child’s adolescence is proving tough for both of you, good communication may help improve your relationship and your child’s behavior
 It’s past midnight, and once again your
unruly adolescent has broken curfew.
Finally, she arrives home. When you ask
for an explanation, she races past you without
a word, runs to her bedroom and slams
the door shut.
Infuriating? You bet. But whatever you
do, don’t react on your emotions. “Instead,
stay calm. Get the facts, and after everyone’s
had a chance to cool down, talk
things out,” says Wendi Hirsch, Ph.D.,
child psychologist at Kapi`olani who specializes
in adolescents.
Hirsch offers several tips on how to
communicate effectively with your
teen when there is a problem:
- Go to a neutral setting. If possible, have both parents present.
- Make sure other siblings or people are not there.
- Start out by saying, “I am concerned about ...”
- Don’t pass judgment or be defensive.
- Take a few moments to consider a logical, natural consequence.
- Do not use physical punishment. This will not work and will likely worsen the problem.
- Some teens communicate better in writing. Encourage your teen to write down her feelings.
- Start with common areas that you agree on and establish some rules for the future.
When things settle down and times are
good, review the boundaries you set. For
example: “You know your curfew. If you
break it, you have crossed the line and the
consequence will be ...” Remind your teen
of all the good times you have had together
and that you always have and always will
be there for her.
Wendi Hirsch, Ph.D.
 | But, sometimes no matter how hard you
try, things still don’t come out right. “And
the scary thing for parents is that sometimes
there is no clear signal,” Hirsch says.
Still, there are ways to tell if your child is
having significant problems. See “Signals
Teens Send That Mean They Want Help”
at right.
|
