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Stay Connected With Your Kids Keep close to your child by paying attention to verbal and nonverbal clues Your youngster has grown quiet and distant, and you’re worried he might be stressed or unhappy. What do you do? “Break the silence — before there’s a crisis,” says Anthony Guerrero, M.D., child psychiatrist and Medical Director of Kapi‘olani Behavioral Health Services. “You ought to be worried if your child isn’t telling you what’s going on.” As they assert growing independence, young people want to make decisions on their own. But they still need and want to maintain a close relationship with the adults in their lives. “Many parents inadvertently drive a wedge into the relationship by trying to micro-manage a young person’s behavior with too much control and discipline,” says Dr. Guerrero. This can weaken the child’s confidence and cause rebellion. As a result, children today often feel lonely and isolated with their stress. “The sobering fact is that the top three causes of teen death are accidents, homicide and suicide,” explains Dr. Guerrero. “Prevention is key. Stay connected with your kids, and share any emotional or behavioral concerns with your physician — this is as important as routine immunizations and school physicals — even if your child seems totally welladjusted.” If you’ve made sincere efforts to reach out and still can’t start the conversation, call on a professional — a psychiatrist, psychologist, counselor or member of the clergy. “Make the appointment and tell your child he or she needs to be available,” Dr. Guerrero says. “It would be very unusual for a child to ignore that.” Watch for signs A child’s behavior can offer insights into things going on in her life. Among the nonverbal clues: Poor grades. “Most youngsters of average intelligence should get excellent grades — As and Bs — if they’re thriving,” says Dr. Guerrero. Out-of-control actions. Be concerned whenever a child appears to give up responsibility for an important area of his life. Expressions of hopelessness. All young people have periods of unhappiness or stress. If the feelings seem intense or last more than a few days, it’s cause for concern. Risky behavior. Children who push their luck in the face of deadly consequences are telling you they don’t see much of a future. Chronic anger. Anger is normal, even between a loving parent and child. But most fights get resolved quickly. “Defiance, anger and excess moodiness aren’t part of normal development,” says Dr. Guerrero. Anthony Guerrero, M.D. >> HEAR FROM THE EXPERT: Promoting Your Child’s Emotional Wellness Monday, Jan. 26, 6:30–7:30 p.m. Click here for more information.